nah it should b fine, i keep assuring myself.

after all, my chinese isnt too bad. a distinction is definitely within reach. the problem lies with whether i have the confidence to face the paper not.

i mean, i've been running low on that for a long time.

 

i have no life.

i dont know wat to do yanymore.

and i know there's no point asking the so-called friends of mine.

they dont learn to empathize.

suaning is wat i'd expet if i were to ask for directions in this cross-roads in life.

 

no wait. they might b as lost as i am. i dont know. i shouldnt judge b4 i know, right?

 

ah well. i should stop listening to songs. they alter my mood.

and i dont like the feeling that my mood is decided by songs.

ok so i watched the bloody movie last thurs. not exciting nor boring. more of disappointing. it destroyed the book completely. i mean, magic should b imagined, innit? not spoonfed. there shouldnt b a movie. j k rowling has done a good job with her english. and with the descriptions and actions already imprinted in my mind, i cant bring myself to accept the shit the movie came up with. so im sorry.

ok so i read the half-blood prince again. i sorta got it at around 12pm on sunday. yesterday, yes. then i read quite fast. around, say, 8hrs? and of course, dumbledore died. and again, it's smth the director of this sequel would not be able to bring out. well this makes the power of words more pronounced. i actually felt grieved for harry. and they said that a picture could paint a thousand words. well, not when the words came out first. the trilogy of the lord of the rings were rather much of a fiasco too, come to think of it. the story's already in the mind, and then  the movie comes along and tries to destroy wat's already within? impossible. they shouldnt try to emulate the story.

 

well i never like harry. be it the character in the story or the movie. dont like his face. haha. but then now, i find him bit the pitiable. he has to, like, give up his relationship with ginny. ah...the last few chapters were more of sentimental. and many a time i find myself brimming with emotions. shant dwell in this lest i get accused by non-existent readers as being emo.

 

and i dont really like the idea of book7 coming up so soon. i wont know how best to read it. wolf down everything in desperation, thirsty for the ending, or savour it slowly and enjoy the mental torture? well i dont want this series to end, i wont know of better things to read. i havent touched a storybook for ages.

 

also. should i re-read the whole series? like, give harry potter the greatest honour for having run its course?

ok so i was thinking as i pat some stuffed toy in the car. i dont know lah. i always felt that im rather much of a decent person and that friends wont simply pangseh me and walk off. or at least, perhaps, they could treat me better. perhaps i dont know how to treat people well. when words run out i simply stone, perhaps do smth extra, and cock things up. low EQ? perhaps. most probably.

so as i stroked the lion-like stuff toy, i was thinking. perhaps children love stuff toys because they can make the stuffed toy cuddle up in them without fear of rejection. stuffed toys are stuffed yanyway. perhaps they want to feel more secure, like 'hey, i have smth to fall back onto, to hold onto.' perhaps that insecurity rekindled me love for stuffed toys. so i stoned. and i thought.

hey. if, like, every1 also wants to give up on me, to walk away from me like im some god of plague, wont i be, like, hurting the stuffed toy's feelings? wat if the stuffed toy suddenly gained life? would it walk away too? perhaps i need smth more substantial to comfort myself. as a matter of fact, i sometimes treat my legs as stuffed toys. stroke the hair on my legs like fur. makes me feel comforted. the non-existent readers may laugh. i dont care. but hey. wat's wrong with doing smth to make urself feel good? of course, not at the expense of others. then i somehow cried on the car home. i turned my head to face the window. in such a way that no1 can see. i can feel the tiny rivulet of...liquid diamonds, i could feel them coursing down my face, my skin. it didnt tickle. i cant feel much. just the ethereal melancholy. and the void in my chest. of course, i managed to wipe the priceless water droplets away from my face without yany1's notice. how good at concealment i am.

then reached home. switched on the computer. went on friendster. pic 57 and 58. i dont have a choice. i have to go next week. i have to. im impelled to.

and the fucking singers better shut up. they know nothing of wat im feeling. or wat i felt. they know nothing. so dont sing about it. fuck

bathically, suicide. i sorta wanted to challenge myself. c whether i can survive without going online for 1 whole week not. haha then the seeds of temptation bathically germinated and poof, i became cococrunch. still got 6papers. pressure? bit i guess. anyway why'm i blogging here? i guess its coz i dont really want my thoughts made known to public? watever lah. im hungry. and well i cant feel much motivation to work. i mean, like, how to make myself study when im still so confused? if i do manage to get into that jc, would u acknowledge me? maybe u'd go 'eeyer' and shun me coz im 'not from this, that'. in a way i feel inferior. i dont mind saying. however, i still have to b strong dont i? i mean, i cant just let 1 person wreck my life over the slightest troubles. and i dare to say that all these thoughts r stuff i think too much abt. maybe u dont feel that way. maybe im abit too paranoid. watever. and i c alot of couples around me. they so happy. then i just laugh at myself for my sorry state, having only runescape as my best friend. everything seems distant. i know i have to pick myself up, myself. who else can help me? i wont say that no1 cares abt me though. im sure there're people around me who would. i have confidence in them. maybe im deluding myself, maybe they're just cheating me of my feelings, but nvm. i think it'd b very unfair of me to say that no 1 cares abt me if even 1person cares. not giving that person due recognition ya? cheers. one day, maybe u'd grow to like me. im waiting for that i guess. that day better come soon. my energy is nearly spent. there's just so much(little) 1 can do. i cant give in now. im hungry. ah. cheers then. till then, then.

loser. so i wont let my knees buckle anymore. i let them buckle, i fall to my knees. i hang my head, it's gone. i stop walking, i cant anymore. and for all that i wont b emo again. whenever i feel overwhelmed by thoughts and memories of u, i'd shake my head clear. hammer if necessary. but anyway i wont leave my mind immersed in those haunting memories. yes, immersed. my mind's already tainted as it is, thanx. but seriously its time for me to wake up. whenever i feel left out and all that crap, well i'd try to stop myself from thinking. coz once the corruption sets in, it'd b much harder to remove it. knees buckle, u start to fall. so might as well just remain strong. catch myself b4 i fall into my own darkness. my created world. wake up, alastair.

but nvm lah i dont have to. haha. been thinking. im the moon, she the Earth. i revolve around her, but she around the sun. and who's the sun? i dont think i'd b that for any1 haha but nvm i dont have to b its a 'want' not a 'need'. i seem to b trying to psycho in that piece of info. and another friend of mine seems to b getting colder towards me. all the '.' and all that crap. really much worse than the shots fired just now. the shots fired just now could at least b heard. this 1, well, u wont know until u get shot. wait. when u get shot u die and u wont get to know anything. CS also like that. BANG and u die without knowing wtf hit u. my 'gunshot' is thus aptly used as my message alert. anything can help or kill. i also dont know lah dont know why she suddenly like so dao. no, not dao, is cold. i could feel the cold emanate from the msgs haha.

NVM I DONT HAVE TO KNOW, DONT HAVE TO BE, DONT HAVE TO REVOLVE AROUND YOU. i should just...try to revolve around some1 else? RAWR

i look at people all around me. it seems as though they have a special some1 to look out for, to fight for. they got a purpose in their actions, be it mugging or stalking. but i dont have leh. i dont even have a special some1 to look out for. coz now i dont get turned on by girls liao. its as if the only girl i'd ever like is her. i know this wont last, but its still ongoing. and i dont have motivation. john and wr got smth to look forward to, but even if i really make it there, would u even acknowledge my presence? RAWR. and i dont have a purpose in my actions. even when stalking i stalked with john. i do things in a half-arsed way. i blp.

rawr. tomorrow live range. i want marksmanship. if not for her at least for myself. if not for myself at least for my 'brothers'. if not for my brothers at least for all the good in life. there's always smth to live on for, isnt there? if dont have, then live on finding it. no point getting all-so-depressed over a certain smth. smth fails, other things would replace it. cheers.

pia liao. wr and john pia-ing to get into hcjc. i should start pia-ing too. its like im at the back of the class not just the seating arrangement but also in terms of studies. every1 trying to probe their worth. and john and wr got caught 4 pon-ing pe. they go lib study =.= damn clever. they got their motivation. where's mine? but nvm i shouldnt think too much and just do wat i have to do. rawr. no time to waste emo-ing abt. o lvls in around 1year 7mths time. shit. nvm. and chinese in like 7mths. and must get all a1s. biochem i think i should be able to get both a1s. if i mug harder a bit. geog also. yes geog. must work alot on that. a and e(not accident and emergency) maths. ah tough question. should b able to lah...i hope. ok 5subjs done. ok its easier said than done. rawr. then this year got chinese o's right. depends. if i go pia my ss and hist i also might get a1 for that. then english and higher chinese. as u all know my higher chinese 31/100. must work damn hard liao. RAWR. if not for her at least for myself. i dont live for her anyway haha. PIA PIA PIA. should cut down, wait no its stop playing, battleon. but whole day study. i cant eat textbooks. rawr. and no motivation. and no 1 to mug with. rawr. haha.

stop concentrating on concentrating and concentrate on the matter at hand. u continue trying to concentrate on how to concentrate, its pointless innit. rawr. trying to wake up. and i read some1's nickname. 'the best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up'. so instead of dreaming on how to get to watever shit i want to get into, i should start working towards it innit. u watch out. and john is mugging away according to him. he got his blessings working on him. i got my curses working on me. cheers.

ok its handball. rawr. how i know i thought of ks my dear softball friend then thought of handball then just sorta cross-contaminated them lor haha. eh and today i found my that folder with the papers. rawr. and mrs oh still trying to make life difficult for me. i think she hates me or smth, pick on me like some shit. never hand up file coz i in camp my fault arh. fuck lah. like that also want to make noise. bitch. nvm shan't dwell on such stuff. rawr. i managed to keep myself awake throughout the whole 8am-3.50pm school day haha. slept during assembly and b4 assembly, then go for classes and copied bio hw, blah blah. but ye. didnt sleep much. mightnt have paid much attention coz copying hw but its a start. its a start. haha. oh and i got damn high for history sia. full marks is 20. u have to*3+2 to get full marks haha. zai right. rawr. nvm always a next term. haha. and ks keeps singing beside me. coz he got some warped logic abt how he'd sleep if he doesnt sing. trying to keep him awake and to concentrate on the lessons but failing miserably. and he got us in trouble with MISS saras haha. have to stand outside class the next time we c her. which would b quite some time later. rawr. ks talking to me =.= haha nvm i like trouble.

rawr.

ok so i tried to kickstart my engine. but cant leh i lost 1folder-ful of worksheets and all that. rawr. nvm. ok so today still ok lah but my biochem not that powderful after all haha. nvm always got a next term. good way of keeping my spirits up but well. rawr. eh then do proj with leonard. then after that i go j8 the toilet. AND ONLY THE TOILET. then left the toilet suddenly wr msg smth abt him beside me at the toilet. then i walk back toilet try find him cant. then walk past the kfc walking out that time i reply him liao lah smth abt me feeling hurt coz he cheated me of my feelings. then he said msged me smth abt some other crap abt 'yo kfc'. then after that i go mrt liao lah. then suddenly he msg me 'U purposely wait until 4.30 rite?' and then edmund also. then after awhile john also. bugger lah people go toilet also cannot. then wr msg 'dun stalk'. then john-'dun stalk ny gals lah.' BUGGER people go toilet also cannot =.= then john told me abt j8 being flooded. rawr. and then i was like blushing away coz of my msg alert and blushing abt their...assumptions. rawr. then i got home and tried to study geog but ended up sleeping =.= haha then slept on the marble floor and then had headache when wake up. haha then come online kaisheng told me everything. but i know also no use. make me feel so useless only. so must work harder. RAWR. and i sunburnt right. told ks and friends then they start slapping my back =.= and i goalie for softball and saved quite abit but we still lost anyway only 3 playing out of the...more than 5. rawr. then ya lor haha. then maybe i lag, didnt know but now i do. girls cant treat guys who like them normally. would, like, try to stop them from bugging them. bit evil lah. but wat to do. girls mah. RAWR I WANT KILL SOME1 LE. yeargh! like that barbarian at barbarian village. all bark and no bite. yeargh! impressively but also no use. haha. ok not want to kill but want to...vent this excess amt of energy on smth. kayaking would do. but who go with me. rawr. i cant vent on studies leh i turn out sleeping =.= haha. ok nvm i try to tame myself and try mugging away if not she really look down on me then i cry le. haha.

ok nvm i think im overreacting. rawr. i dont care lah. how come my friends which i know for ages, they seem to b like pairing up with others and taking duo pics with other people of the opp. sex then i until now havent even take a pic of 1 friend of the opp sex. and im not even talking abt together. rawr. nvm i think im just overreacting. and i have difficulties breathing whenever i think of u. rawr. not fair lor. how come others like get to my friends first. rawr. ok im just making noise. not emo, more of shocked. rawr. i want kill people le. and im quite sure i wont b the first guy to take a pic with u haha. fuck. rawr. im in shock. ok nvm. just making noise like i said. and i think i lost my folder. all my english stuff gone including my common test stuff. fuck lah. dont know where i put/who koupe. rawr. and i go yahoo search for 'rawr'. and i found this http://www.rawr.net/ haha. awright then. damn weird. not to forget lame. rawr.

rawr so today went kayaking with ls and bw. as usual, we didnt manage to capsize being the pros we r. haha. first half of the journey damn tiring. never sleep well haha. drank tea like free. 15glasses? giddy. rawr. then slept around 2plus then wake up at 7plus. didnt sleep much lor whole night wake up then cover blanket then kick away blanket then cover again =.= then got to cssc le start stoning until bw came. then ls. =.= there alot of people then waste my time i got there at 9.30 the others got at around 10. rawr. then after all the mundane affairs of writing down the order forms blah blah, then we go liao lor. rawr. then dont know why no strength leh. must b coz never sleep well. ah excuses. rawr. then talk cock along the way. then got to loyang. then btich up oops i mean beach up. rawr. then i go sit down on the shitwater. wah lau its like quicksand lah. swamp area.then bryan lost his water boeties(dont know how spell) there. lost 1 side. then i tried to help him find. stick my hand into shit then dig shit out. still cant find. too bad lor. then i lend him mine. then we go downtown east the macs. my whole shirt already grey with all the shit. pants original colour grey 1. then my shirt white. then looks the same =.= and on the walk there i walked barefooted coz i know bw cant take the scorching ground haha. then i dirtied the mac grounds lah. muddy feet haha. rawr. then after that we got back to the kayaks then load and go. wait. ls and bw go fill the 1.5litre bottle. rawr. then i stone there lying around letting the waves hit me like free. then kayak back. make noise. and make noise abt my heart ache. then sometimes suddenly going very violent on the paddle like trying to paddle away from the haunting memories of her like that. then ya lor. i should stop emo-ing abt her lah. instead of saying 'i failed coz i thinking of u' why not 'i topped coz i thought of u'? rawr. but i know my resolve easily broken 1 haha. rawr. make me work hard leh. give some encouragement. rawr. then got back to cssc the beach there. then beach up wait its bitch up oh no its beach up oops. then i go swimming as usual. rawr. then suddenly my right 'bicep' there bit the pain. then shit. i think its the jellyfish. the uncle at the counter told us liao but i didnt care sting then sting lor. bw also got stung. then ls tried eskimo roll but failed lah and we tried to flip him over but failed haha. he managed to get out though. rawr. then after fooling around we went to pack up. and my pants got 1 big hole. rawr. then stone and fool around and take pics and ye. pack up log expedition then go eat at the hawker centre then balek kampong tidoh. i bathe le then c the guests away le then go sleep. rawr. then wake up at 7plus play runescape until now haha. kai sheng damn bad bully noobs. haha

so after the 'marshalling', we go camping. or rather i went camping with john. damn tut. i walking around with cat high pants haha. then take 961 =.= i do things in half-arsed way. no im not a stalker. i dont want make u scared of even going home. rawr. and then taking 961 with john. ok so he was hoping to c his special some1 but. ah. HE PANGSEH-ED ME! bugger. leave me to the dogs =.= coz of some1's random appearance. rawr. i was bathically stoning there coz i dont know how to react. then...'message message message MESSAGE!!!' coz john msged me say why so suay. =.= and a 'not bad, attracting attention'. RAWR. then after quite some time i managed to get to his seat. rawr. my legs shaking when i sat down =.= wats wrong with me. then i started playing barney coz he requested it. and i heard the people behind sorta humming along too =.= haha. then john playing dao. act as if sleeping. or maybe is trying to but who cares abt wat hes doing. rawr. and then i took 161 back to sengkang. slept on the way.

i kinda regret camping. should go lan 1. haha. but nvm at least i managed to wake up for a brief(no, not underwear) moment. they're just normal humans after all. haha i think i should abort all plans of stalking her. make life difficult for wat? haha. im making life difficult for myself too haha. time to wake up. i dont even have stable grades now lor. ok i think im trying to delude myself, try to deviate myself from this road but well. nvm lah haha. time to wake up and start mugging. can i? rawr. heyhey. this com still bit conked up. no soundcard =.= cant hear bleach. dont bother. haha. and i seem to blend into the surroundings damn well huh. same bus also can dont c. john also bit the not outstanding lah haha run until so damn obvious also not busted. or maybe she damn noob. HAHA. i can stone my face well i just realized. wait. why i always thinking the worst of people anyway? i think coz i just want a reason to hate u. but i dont want to hate u. but im trying to make myself hate u, which would ultimately end up with me hating myself. so wats the point? haha and sec3 also shouldnt b thinking abt such stuff. haha i think i should shelve my plans. eh wait i dont have any to speak of haha. ok so er. where was i? ok nvm. i uploading the videos of waikit and his skipping rope now haha. cheers

and with john telling me how he's going to turf city taking 961 with his felicia, its not getting better. and how the 'power of love' drives him on, he's trying to make me jealous or smth? haha. nvm at least he's successful, not another failure. rawr and i was looking at the shit school on streetdirectory. and here comes my biggest worry. how to go home. i know she has training(does she?) so with that aside, well. i still cant go home when the whole army of shit is moving. or whole shit army, watever. but i think im just acting lah haha. i think every1 is. hate smth, but still dont mind its existence. resentment but not hatred(?!). ok im blabbering. i hope i wont hanthump myself too much tomorrow. i seem to b losing my senses haha. c lah play too much battleon le. rawr. laugh it all off, its better this way. and listening to songs blasted through my phone, well. its weird. haha. oh shit. john just smsed me saying how fel would pangseh him if he's late. why girls so like that 1 arh. haha. john's gonna have the time of his life tomorrow. must stalk him. catch him and fel in action. watch ks run tomorrow. cheer wx on. laugh at all the others who have to run. plain fun. RAWR RAWR RAWR. i better not c u. if i do i dont know wat i'd do. shit that made me use wrong spell and heal enemy instead =.= c lah thanx to U. just making noise. but i seriously wont know wat i would/could/should do when if i c u. so rather not lor. although i want but still. haha. simple pleasures? rawr barney's simple enough i guess. u too complicated. battleon's simple enough. slacking and crapping around's simple enough. u? haha. maybe i could get into hcjc if i work hard enough. but where's my motivation? i cant make a diff even if i get there. and i think u'd just laugh it all off, waste all my efforts. rawr. ok too critical again haha. try to laugh it all off. rawr. hope things would get better though. i need motivation haha.

and john was telling me abt how girls arent as coldblooded as i thought they were. RAWR how, wat to do i dont know. rocky situation. will die 1. i want to camp until 6plus then c u get out of school and go home with u together. 'i'd love to walk you home'. argh. nvm. today i was at j8 macs. then stone there, play hp game, then play ks pokemon. trained his shelgon from lvl 33 to 41. so fast. haha. and i slept halfway though. i suddenly just dropped there sleep. haha. then waikit popped in and we go back rivervale. then bathically wasted alot of time haha no mrs ng, no hu lao shi. then we go rivervale cant find mrs ng =.= then go back rivervale put our names down for p5 camp, smth we forgot to. haha and bw i drop ur name in also le. then i go waikit house camp. then c him play guitar like nobody's business =.= rawr. oh ye thanx to waikit's 'delete the video' i got reminded of the videos i took of him and his skipping rope and how he ravaged it inside out haha.

rawr rawr rawr wat to do how to go home tomorrow how how how?! shit lah. bugger. wat to do wat to do. nvm i prepared to face shit tomorrow. rawr.

shit. 'This entry's title contains language that is prohibited. Please delete the prohibited language from the title of the entry' even msn also against me.

physically i mean. ok maybe its because of the booze. or the wounds on my skin. or my 'never sleep early' thingy. ok i dont sleep as late as ks but nvm. haha. im adopting a highly unhealthy lifestyle. yesternight, no, this morning, i couldnt sleep. so i got out of my room and made cup noodles coz im hungry. then watch casino royale for a bit, my father watching. then the show ended after a while im late mah. then balek room tidoh. rawr.

actually i need to put no more invisible words le. i already showed her all my cards up my sleeves. told her everything. rawr. wat to do. wait for a reply that wont ever come. evade the question totally. rawr. and i wanted to ask her wat she meant when she told me to stop. stop liking her, or stop intoxicating myself with alcohol. a question i want an answer for, yet dont really dare to know. i dont dare msg u again haha. and i got 5/20 for social studies. wake-up call. i cant keep failing. i already fail my higher chinese le. 26.5/70. and i most prob fail history. and i barely scraped a pass for geog. or did i even pass? i cant let U pull my marks down right? keep thinking of u. mind closed. living in my own world thinking and daydreaming. come to think of it, when i dreamt of u replying, well. im really asleep but somehow, within me i know u wont reply and that im dreaming. but i rather let myself live in my world. bugger. i hit rock bottom. or abt to hit rockbottom. i cant wait to touch and kick off from the ground, right? i should already b trying to keep my head above the water. u have no olvls to worry for. i have. my regret, yet my pride. (HOLLAH I LOGGED ONTO BATTLEON!) ok so ye. time to wake up. lucky this term 15%. i dont want get retained. i know i can do this. rawr. eh my antivirus bit the weird only lah haha suddenly pop out and start scanning =.= and i went ks house just now to 'do project'. haha and its damn fun watching him and the dog. and he saved the DS when i stuffed it under the table. he go take and returned to kaisheng haha we too corrupted loh haha.

Whats minnie without mickey, whats tigger without pooh, whats patrick without spongebob, whats me without you? whats barney without alastair, whats alastair without YOU?

ok maybe the title bit the harsh but nvm. haha. ok lets c...so yesternight i got damn drunk. i think i might have just finished puking. then around 20mins later i sent u that msg. i dont know how u'd react so i simply off-ed my phone. and u msged around 18mins later, which i dont know since my phone was off. maybe u wanted a reply there and then, which i was not able to give since im being the coward i am. i thought u'd simply dao, or even tell me in ur cold way to stop messing around with u. so the next morning i on my phone i received the msg. ok that perked me up but thats just the first seismic wave, there's aftershocks. i was damn happy u replied, then i read ur msg. then i think. eh shit false hope again. or smth like 'is she serious?' and now im kinda cleared of alcohol. although i've been sleeping and i dreamt abt wat replies i might get. and i really thought she replied. though she didnt(obviously). and then now like i said im cleared. or at least i think im cleared. maybe u were'nt concerned, just feel guilty that u MIGHT have been the cause of my drinking. and since u the 1 i msged, u think u'd feel guilty if ever i die. so u sent that msg. worried? the wry smile comes onto my face. probably not. maybe im being abit too critical. but i cant trust shit people much. maybe u'd read this in time to come. but wat to do? reading this wont help anything. writing this out also wont. im just...trying to alleviate my...pain? haha. but u evaded the point i was trying to put across in that msg. u made me feel like some fool standing alone there like some monkey doing tricks to no 1 i dont know wtf i talking abt now. rawr. nvm. and i know its not ur fault. i just thought too much haha. and bugger. dont know lah i think i should simply go sleep this off. but im hooked on to battleon. i dont want log out. haha. rawr dont worry abt me though i wont do stupid things. rash things i might, but i definitely treasure life. haha

ye i thought i was gonna die yesternight. so i told her. then i think she also thought i was gonna die. then got worried. or did she. but nvm i wont question that. knowing that im still alive, well, she doesnt seem to care much either. wtf that supposed to mean? only when i thought i was going to die then u care.  then tell u im ok then u dao. but at least i shut myself up. no need u to help me with that. i was damn rash. or maybe i couldnt think at all. u didnt even react to watever i said. or rather, u didnt bother with the fact that i presented u with on that msg. u only reacted to the 'drank too much' part. wtf? mok nvm i think i think too much. and i certainly wont mind going through all that, running the risk of alcoholic poisoning, just to have u sms me again. but then again. like my previous post. rawr. i shouldnt impose my will on any1. im selfish i guess. but every1 is, too, innit. ok getting bit confused now, not to mention dazed. i havent slept properly yet. maybe after this incident u'd know that i ming4ying4 and would just leave me in the doldrums, coz i cant die that easily. and i certainly wont start to kill myself coz u think that i cant die, just to prove that u're wrong. and whenever i receive msgs i'd look carefully. is it the 1 chinese character, or some1 else? ok thats john. nvm. bragging to me how he'd go to turf city with his fel, while i most prob go alone/father send me. but i dont think i'd do well if i were to b closer friends with u. most prob would end up making u even more worried. and now i understand. having the 'tough guy' image isnt a good thing. no1 would think u have any needs/wants. rawr. ok nvm emo post sorry. and going turf city this friday innit. road marshalling. i want to stalk u. but i know u most prob got training. i cant camp until 6plus then suddenly appear outside ur school, right? im mad, but not deranged. rawr. but still i know that certain things which has to b done has to b done. every1 knows that but they dont do, most of the time. ah. i wont bother u le, as promised. maybe the next time i get into such a situation i wont bother u either. no need u to bother with me haha. ye, u certainly brightened me up that moment. i mean, well, i got quite happy in the morning after recieving ur msg. but dont know how reply. i know u'd dao anyway. and true enough thats wat i got. haha. bit bitter, yes, but nvm im still alive and thats all that matters. and with barney as my best friend i got nothing to fear(?). haha